Monday 30 January 2012

Nearly-nearly-40

It's my birthday in a couple of weeks. I'll be nearly-40. I'm not sure if being nearly-40 is any worse than being nearly-nearly-40. I've not minded being nearly-nearly-40 much. I mind being wrinkled and saggy, having sore knees and a back that twinges when I sit cross-legged on the floor. I mind having to hold my arm out straight to read a menu, but at the same time I appreciate I can do this without glasses. According to a friend of mine, 42 is the age when one's arm is no longer long enough. Anyway, I was reading one of a friend's blog a few days ago. In it she writes a list of things she wants to do before she's actually-40. She doesn't actually need this list because the beatch is only 33 and in 7 years time some very clever Scienceygeek will have invented a pill you can take that makes you 28 FOREVER!!

It's unlikely this pill will be ready by February next year so I do need the list...

By this time next year, when I'll be literally-nearly-40, I would like:

To still be an author.

To have resisted with every molecule in my body the chronic, aching, BURNING desire to add a fourth mini-J to the family. Resisting is currently taking up most of my, and Mr J's, energy. Yes, I know, we're off our trollies. Yes, I know how lovely sleep is. How nice it is to go out for a meal without expressing gallons of milk from size 36G boobs first. How lovely it is to play a board game on a Winter's afternoon, in front of a guardless-fire, as a family, without one of the players eating the dice. And, yes, I'm fully aware of how wonderful it is that I no longer need to wipe any bottoms other than my own. But then again I miss a babe on my hip like a lost limb...oh, bugger, please, someone, give me strength to resist.

To start riding horses again and then convince my husband that owning one would be a good idea. They're small and cheap and you just need to throw them a biscuit once a week, honestly, darling...

To be fit and toned and finally lose the baby weight that I've been waxing on about losing for the last five years. Bejezaaaassssss. Please, you weak-willed so-and-so. JUST DO IT.

To play tennis with (and win a point off) Djokovic.

To share fondue and red wine with Tim Minchin, Dara O'Briain, Ernest Hemingway, Sandi Toksvig, Boudicca, Moriarty from Sherlock and Frida Kahlo.

To get dropped at the top of a very high mountain, K2 or Everest or, um, another very high one with my sister and husband and some skis, and then shout: 'Last one down buys the beer!'

To find Jared Leto at the bottom of that very high mountain with a cup of rummed hot chocolate (Chantilly cream on the top) and some massage oil. And my husband not to mind.

To have got drunk, and survived, on Absinthe.

To have finally used the pasta making machine that I insisted we add to our wedding list (another classic Jennings argument) that is still inside it's box gathering dust.

To be told by the World Health Organisation (I did just write WHO, but didn't want any muso-confuso) that smoking is actually good for you, then take it up again big-styley - 40 filterless Gitanes a day - whilst continuously drinking thick black coffee in a freezing Parisian garret and agonising over my Most Important Work Yet (which will be handwritten and 1200 pages).

To stay at the Ice Hotel, ride a Husky sled, see the Northern Lights (maybe with Motherventing cos it's on her list too) and drink vodka out of a glass made of ice and not get my tongue stuck to the glass made of ice.

To have beaten Jimmy Carr in The Star in a Reasonably Priced Car round the Top Gear track.

To have managed not to Tweet/blog anything libellous or universally offensive.

And, lastly, to have the girls, my husband, friends and family, safe, well, and constantly around to reassure me I'm not totally ridiculous. Oh dear. That sounds needy, doesn't it? Hmmm. Ok, scrap the above list...

By the time I'm actually-40 I hope I can be totally ridiculous and not give a monkey's uncle.

15 comments:

  1. I am with you on so many of the above...but have another 4.5 yrs to accomplish them (haha!)...I would very much like to ride again, ski from the top of a large mountain, to be the sister of the famous author as she meets all those exciting people (and generally tag on at fun parties). I do believe (I expect like Mum) that I could also be very fast in a reasonably-priced car. Most of all I wish I could line up a row of shots in a club with pounding music, down them all and actually be able to get out of bed the next morning (I'm sure the pill for that one may be developed soon too). Inspiring list - thank you! xxx

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    1. I'm now not talking to you. You mentioned the 4 and a half year thing. You must never do this. I am only re-talking to you from late August 2016 onwards...

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  2. I am nearly-forty, only for another two months, but still clinging on. I am however very distressed that you still sit on the floor cross legged! I can just about lower myself but the thought of getting up again is more likely to leave me cross eyed! I love your list, I have the usual bucket list of things to do before I die, like passing an exam! Hope the snow is good! All the best, Ed

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    1. Cross legged is (indeed) something I try not to do. Occasionally, probably due to failing grey matter, I forget. And yes, getting stuck down there is a distinct possibility!

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  3. I'll join you when you check off the absinthe target..... all up for meeting the green fairy, Cxx

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    1. Haha! Ok...you're on. Let's just make sure it's a Friday night and we've got nothing to do but recover on the Saturday or Sunday!!

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  4. This year I'm nearly, nearly, nearly forty.

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    1. Maybe we should all refer to our late thrities in mulitples of 'nearly'...think it sounds less scary!!

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  5. Ok so now I am feeling postively 'over t'hill' and totally depressed ( I'm hanging my head like a wet spaniel ! ) ....I haven't done ANY of the above and now it's too late.......can I come along for the ride guys and just pretend I'm still nearly 40 ? After all I'm only only just 40 ;)

    ps hope I can still ski really fast now I'm 40 ? I'll find out in a few weeks....but the horse riding.....nah I'll leave that to you young pups , I just don't bounce like I used too !
    Mwah xxxx

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    1. Don't be depressed, you've knocked 10 nearlys off your 40 with the Nork Twins! Let's do HUsky sleds and vodka together. It's well North...you'll feel right at home! (Though we'll def need to pack the moofins tho. They only have herring.) Mwah xx

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  6. It's only Monday evening and look at all the comments - I'm beginning to think that people are CHEATING and writing the comments first - but, of course, being nearly-nearly-seventy I am just a bit slower than the rest - and I can't find my glasses so the list is just a bit blurry...but I like the overview...roll on next Monday - and I WILL be ahead of you all - comments first...

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    1. Thank you - as always - for your lovely comment. First out of the blocks isn't always as good as reliability... and you're always there with encouragement and humour, without fail!! Thank you. ;-)

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  7. Wondering if this means I'm now a little forty....

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    1. Haha! Yes. A little 40, then next year a little bit more-40, the following forty and nearly a half again, etc etc!

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  8. Laughing about the horse thing. I've always wanted a horse, and have also vowed to take up riding again. When my back gets better (slipped disc - old injury). I am giggling as I type.....

    A brilliant list! My friend is doing a 40 things at 40 - 40 things she's never done from dying her hair, to eating a pickled egg. I've told her to blog it! She might.

    I have already vowed to go to Italy on a cookery course. Maybe by myself if I can't coerce anyone to join me. I think I've gone a bit Eat, Pray, Love.....

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